What If- Guiding Light
by E.Sign
Summary: Kate closed her eyes, trying to remember those last few moments before the blackness had sunk in. Castle? She mouthed the question to her father. He looked down, not answering, his eyes not meeting hers...She closed her eyes welcoming the sheltering blackness; she would never be ok again.


_Auhtor's note: So originally, this was part of my What if collection. But someone asked me to continue the story, and I've done so the best I can. After all, there really isn't a Kate without a Rick... Anyways, I hope you enjoy it. As always, your comments and suggestions are always welcomed.. Of course, these characters are not mine. i'm just borrowing them for a little bit to help with my OCD: Obsessive Castle Disorder._

* * *

_She was quiet, so very quiet as she crouched low, her legs up to her chest, her back against the rough bark of the tree, the leaves she had piled around her serving to further camouflage her from any outside viewers. No one would find her here. She was sure of that. Daddy said she was the best "hide n' seeker" in the world. She heard voices calling her name, but she didn't answer. She giggled at her cleverness for finding the best hiding spot. _

_She was getting cold though. Her nose was cold. Her toes were cold, but still she did not move. The late afternoon autumn sun was beginning to set and the wind was starting to pick up. It would be dark soon. It was scary in the woods after dark. Maybe everyone had given up searching for her. It had been a while since she heard anyone calling her name. What if everyone had left her behind? _

_There was a swing set just a little down the way. She would go there. Daddy would know to look for her there. He would find her. He would never leave her behind._

_Katie loved the swings. She jumped on, quickly taking three steps back then launching herself forward, legs swaying back and forth, propelling her higher and higher. She griped the chains tightly as she leaned back, her face upturned to catch the last dying rays of sunshine. It felt so good on her face. _

_The voices were back, calling her name. "Here I am, Daddy." She wanted to call, but no sound came from her lips. The light was getting brighter too. It was starting to hurt her eyes. "Daddy, Daddy." She cried out screwing her eyes tight._

"Katie! Katie! Wake up, darling. That's it. Open your eyes."

"_Daddy, the light is hurting my eyes. Make it stop_." Kate's eyes fluttered open to the see beam from a tiny flashlight being waved in front of her face by a tall man in a white coat standing over her.

"She's coming around." The man in front of her spoke. Her eyes lids felt so heavy. She just wanted to close them again and drift back into the darkness.

"Come on, Katie. That's my girl. Don't leave us again. Open your eyes." _Dad?_ She tried to turn her head to the sound of his voice. He sounded worried, scared. Why was he scared? She felt him squeeze her hand. She wanted to squeeze back, but her arms felt like lead.

"Dad." She rasped, her throat aching and sore. Her lips were parched and she licked them hoping to find some relief.

_Where am I? What's happened? _ The fog was threatening to take her back. She was so tired. She tried desperately to focus on what the man in front of her was saying.

"Kate. Try and stay with me. I'm Dr. Jones. Don't try to talk. Blink if you understand." She blinked. "Good. Kate you were in an accident. You've been in a coma for 2 weeks. Do you know who this is?" He asked coming to stand directly behind Jim. "Blink twice if you recognize him." It took an extraordinary effort to turn her head, a slight smile parting her lips as she gazed into her father's face. She blinked, twice. "That's good, Kate. You are a very lucky woman, Ms. Beckett, apart from a nasty bump to the head and a couple of broken bones it appears you are going to be ok. "

Kate closed her eyes once more trying to let all that she heard sink in, trying to remember those last few moments before the blackness had sunk in. Images swam past her closed eyelids. The scenes replaying in her mind like a soundless motion picture. A red light turning green, a loud crash, metal scraping, glass breaking. Rick? Castle had been with her. She remembered telling him to leave the radio alone. She remembered the pout on his face at her reprimand.

_Castle?_ She mouthed the question to her father. He looked down, not answering, his eyes not meeting hers. A single tear escaped the corner of her eye at the realization of what her father's non comment meant. She closed her eyes welcoming the sheltering blackness; she would never be ok again.

* * *

It continued like that for several days with Kate slipping in and out of consciousness as her body work to expel the drugs that had kept her sedated while the swelling in her brain worked on healing itself. And each time, Kate welcomed the escape into that abyss, seeking to flee the memories that haunted her days.

She closed her eyes now, willing for the blackness to engulf her, aching for a release, but there was to be no such relief today. A tap at the door jarred her from her thoughts. Apart from her father, she had been reluctant to see any visitors. She just couldn't deal with their sympathetic faces or the concern they were sure to express. _Go away_. She thought to herself as she closed her eyes hoping to feign sleep.

"Kate?" She heard the click of the heels and smelt that familiar Chanel No.5 even before she sensed her approach the bed. "Oh, my darling, look at you." Martha cooed brushing a soft hand down the side of her bruised and battered face. She felt the bed shift at Martha's weight as she sat near the edge taking her hand in hers, brushing her knuckles with soft strokes of comfort, just as Castle used to do.

"Ooh, Kate." She heard the older woman's voice catch. Kate opened her eyes and the sight of Martha, head bowed and so completely out of sorts, brought out all the raw emotions that she had been trying to keep bottled up to the surface.

"Martha." Her voice choked. "I'm so sorry." Martha's grief stricken blue eyes, so much like her son's stared back at her. Kate looked away as the tears poured from her eyes.

"Oh, Kate, honey, don't be sorry. This isn't your fault." Martha laid a reassuring arm across her shoulder; bringing her head to rest against her shoulder. But the wracking sobs would not stop, they just continued in waves despite the comforting words.

"Kate, listen to me. This is not your fault. Richard would not want to see you like this. Here, let me see." She said turning Beckett's head to help her dry her tears. The love and concern in Martha's voice brought forth a whole new set of emotions.

"Kate, I just want you to know that we are waiting for you at home, Alexis and I. We'll work this through together, as a family. When you're ready, we want you to come home." The words hit her like a brick. Home, back to the loft? Back to all things Castle?

"Martha, I..." She began in protest.

"Darling, I know this a lot to process. And you don't need to make any decisions right now. But I just wanted to let you know that you have a home and a family waiting for you. I also came by to give you this. It was with Richard's belongings. It's addressed to you. I think he would want you to have it." She said dapping at her eye as she handed Beckett an envelope; _Kate_ was scrawled across the front in that oh so familiar handwriting.

"Now, you rest, dear. I'll be by to see you tomorrow and then we can talk some more."

"Thank you, Martha." She whispered clutching the letter to her chest.

She sat there in silence staring at the envelope lying across her lap. But she could not find it within herself to open it. It was as if this was the final piece of acknowledgement that this wasn't a bad dream. He was never coming back.

* * *

"Kate?" The voice called softly.

"Alexis." She tried to sit up straighter wincing at the pain the movement brought on. "Come in." Alexis stared at her openly. The shock of what she saw before her clearly written across her face.

"It's not as bad as it looks, Alexis. It's only a broken arm and leg and a couple of broken ribs. I'll live." She said eyes downcast at the realization of what she had just told the young girl before her. She would live, but her father hadn't.

"But your face..." The girl continued obviously not taking in Kate's reference.

"It's only bruising. It'll go away, in time. Come." She said holding out her hand to the young girl. "How are you holding up?" She asked trying to remain strong, trying to hold in the tears that were constantly at bay.

"Oh, Kate, I miss him so much." She began choking back a sob.

"I know, honey, so do I."

"I go home thinking he's going to be there, waiting to show me whatever new toy he's managed to buy with that stupid grin plastered on his face. But he's not there. It's so empty, so quiet. Gram, is trying her best to hold it together, but I can see the pain in her eyes when she looks at me, Kate. It's as if I remind her of him. I don't know what to do."

"Oh, honey, come here." She said trying to envelope the girl in a one handed hug. "Will figure this out, together."

"We will?" She sounded surprised. "Gram said she told you to come back to the loft. I wasn't sure if you wanted to." She looked down shyly.

"Do you want me to, Alexis? I don't blame you if you hate me. If you say you never want to see me again, I will understand."

"No, Kate. I don't hate you. How can I hate you when Dad loved you so much? This isn't your fault. I realize that now. Dad, he was so happy when you were around. You changed him for the better, made him have a purpose in told me the other day about..." she hesitated trying to find the right words. "About you guys wanting to start a family. He asked me if it was ok, Kate. And the smile when I said it was fine...It melted my heart to see him so happy. If you loved him half as much as he loved you..."She started but didn't continue the thought. "Kate, please come home. " She pleaded.

Those dam tears, she couldn't seem to keep them in and was pretty sure that at this rate she should be running out of them quite soon.

* * *

**_So do I continue just a little more? Should I print the letter_**?


End file.
